THE BOOK OF LOVE
1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. 8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife. 12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16 For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
17 Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches. 18 Was anyone at the time of his call already circumcised? Let him not seek to remove the marks of circumcision. Was anyone at the time of his call uncircumcised? Let him not seek circumcision. 19 For neither circumcision counts for anything nor uncircumcision, but keeping the commandments of God. 20 Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. 21 Were you a bondservant when called? Do not be concerned about it. (But if you can gain your freedom, avail yourself of the opportunity.) 22 For he who was called in the Lord as a bondservant is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a bondservant of Christ. 23 You were bought with a price; do not become bondservants of men. 24 So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God.
25 Now concerning the betrothed, I have no command from the Lord, but I give my judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. 29 This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, 30 and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, 31 and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away.
32 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. 33 But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, 34 and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. 35 I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.
36 If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. 37 But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well. 38 So then he who marries his betrothed does well, and he who refrains from marriage will do even better. 39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 Yet in my judgment she is happier if she remains as she is. And I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
— 1 Corinthians 7:1-40, ESV
Tell me, tell me, tell me ,
Oh, who wrote the Book Of Love?
I’ve got to know the answer,
Was it someone from above?
— The Monotones (1957)
Yes, doo-woppers, “the book of love” was indeed written by “someone from above.” His name is God and He has given us the book of love, life, liberty, and the pursuit of holiness. It is called the Bible, a collection of sixty-six works written over the span of two millennia by some forty or so human authors who were especially inspired by the Holy Spirit.
When the Bible speaks, God speaks, whether it be from the mouth of Moses, the pen of Paul, or the red letters of the Lord Jesus Christ. It should be the go-to guide for anyone wanting to have a real and lasting relationship with God. It should be consistently consulted by those who wish to live a life blessed by and pleasing to Him. But, be warned, God’s commandments clash with modern culture, and keeping them can put you decidedly out of step with this present world.
I hesitate to call a place that existed two thousand years ago modern, but the greco-roman city of Corinth where Paul planted a church had an uncanny resemblance to a much younger, two-hundred-and-fifty year old country called the United States of America. Sexual morals were loose. Marriages ended capriciously. The trail of tears flowing from hurting children could fill their Fountain of Peirene or our Lake Ouachita.
So, in answer to some of the members’ questions, Paul writes a book of love now known as the seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians. The people wanted to know God’s mind on sex, singleness, marriage, and divorce. All of Holy Scripture touches on these themes, from the first marriage in Genesis to the marriage supper of the Lamb in Revelation. But like a good doo-wop song, Paul hits all the high notes in this particular chapter.
The Book of Love, Chapter 1: Sex and Marriage (vs. 1-5).
The history of ancient Corinth and the proclivities of modern America both produced a culture of casual sex. Anything goes, anytime, with anyone, and it is nobody’s business but the two in the tango. But when the band stops playing, society has to pay for unwanted pregnancies, aborted and abandoned children, lost educational and job opportunities, sexually transmitted diseases, broken hearts, dysfunctional homes, and a bloated welfare system creating generational dependency and poverty.
This is why there is nothing casual about sex to God. He put the urge to merge into our DNA. Then, He gave us a sacred speed limit to keep us from crashing and ruining lives. The limit is not a number, but a name, holy matrimony. The signs are pained in black and white. There are no shades of gray.
So, if you are married, put the pedal to the metal. If you are not, keep the car in the garage until you get the keys of wedding rings on your fingers. This is God’s simple and straightforward commandment on the subject.
The western world, formerly affected by Christianity, now considers such a commandment an outdated joke. So do nominal Christians and church bodies, like the United Methodist Church, which recently decided it is unreasonable to expect their heterosexual or homosexual clergy to be monogamous. Let that sink in for just a moment.
I pray you side with the Scriptures, and the late, great, Tom T. Hall who wrote: “On love and marriage, I want to say one thing: Oh, [ladies and gentlemen], if you’re married, wear that ring.” And, make the ring mean something. God has said what He means. Make your marriage mean what God says, for your sake, for the children’s sake, and for the sake of the church’s witness to this sex-crazed world.
The Book of Love, Chapter 2: Singleness (vs. 6-9, 36-40).
Paul now changes his tune from marriage to singleness. He singles out Christians who were previously married, as he was. We know he was because he was a Pharisee, BC, and Pharisees were required (they so loved requirements!) to be married men. We do not know whether his wife died, of if she divorced him when he became a Christian. Early Christians were often abandoned by their Jewish families when they recognized Jesus as the Messiah.
Death and divorce are both devastating to a surviving spouse, with the latter often worse than the former. But whatever happened to make you single again, Paul has a word for you. It carries weight for lifelong singles, too, to balance a burden that is often heavy to bear.
You basically have two options. Remain a single Christian, and be celibate. Or, get married (or remarried) to another Christian, and refer back to chapter one.
While both marriage and singleness are callings received as a “gift from God,” the self-control of a godly single person goes a long way in the Christian life. Paul will write later in 1 Corinthians that Christianity is like a race. “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it (ref. 9:24).”
What if God called all the men in church to line up for a race? Before He said, “On your mark,” He required all the married men to carry their wives on their backs. After, “Get set, go,” who do you think is going to come out ahead, the single guys or the married men? Is is a sin not to win? No, it is a sin not to run according to the rules. And single people can just run better and faster in many ways.
Or, look at it this way. God calls people to preach the gospel, some of us vocationally. At that point, you have to discern the call and decide whether to pursue a pastorate at home, or missionary service abroad. Both are callings from God. One is not better than the other. But, missionaries do more for the cause of Christ than pastors. So it goes for the singles and the married in the church.
So if you are a single Christian, you are special! If you are a married Christian, well, you are special, too. And, you have a special someone to share life and ministry with. Don’t ever leave them.
The Book of Love, Chapter 3: Divorce (vs. 10-16; ref. Matthew 19:9).
God is on record as saying He hates divorce (ref. Malachi 2:16). He is also on record as saying He loves the world (ref. John 3:16), meaning all kinds of people in the world, which includes a lot of divorced people. This fits the old cliché, hate the sin, love the sinner.
But are all divorced people sinners? Yes and no. All people are sinners (ref. Romans 3:10, 23, etc.) and that includes divorced people. But not all divorced people are guilty of the sin that causes divorce. Sins, like crimes, have perpetrators and victims.
Once again, God speaks plainly. If you are married, if you are a “wife” or a “husband,” you “should not divorce.” It may be available in fifty states, but the kingdom of God does not offer a “no fault divorce.” Furthermore, there are virtually no reasons a Christian couple who have been reconciled to God through Christ cannot reconcile differences and difficulties they encounter, with counsel from God’s word and help from Christ’s church.
There are two exceptions to God’s rule on divorce, one given to us by God’s Son, Jesus, and one written by God’s servant, Paul. Jesus said no to divorce, “except for sexual immorality” (ref. Matthew 19:9). Sometimes the humpty dumpty heart of a hurt spouse cannot be put back together again, so God grants permission for divorce in the case of adultery. Besides, the adulterer often abandons and divorces the spouse they cheated on anyway, which brings us to the second exception clause.
Paul writes if your “unbelieving partner” divorces you, you are “not enslaved” but free to accept the divorce and eventually remarry, preferably to a real Christian next time. In most divorce cases, the abandonment is caused by adultery, committed by the “unbelieving partner,” who may claim to be a believer. But belief is not judged by profession of faith, but by the practice of faithfulness, of which adultery and abandonment are the opposite.
The Book of Love, Chapter 4: Our Love for God (vs. 17-24).
The best way for a husband and wife avoid divorce and stay in love with each other til death do them part, is to know and love the Lord with all their heart.
To know and love the Lord is to know He is sovereign, and love it (ref. Proverbs 3:5-6). He does have a plan for your life. As it unfolds every day, love and embrace it. People are part of the plan, especially a spouse, if the Lord gives you one, so love and embrace him or her. The Lord will never leave you, you should never leave your spouse.
To know and love the Lord is to cherish His commandments, and keep them (ref. John 14:15). This chapter holds forth many of God’s commandments regarding love, sex, marriage, and singleness. Non-Christians ignore them, hypocrites break them, but the child of God loves them and keeps them.
To know and love the Lord is to be His servant, willingly and lovingly (ref. Philippians 2:5-11). Do not become a slave to sex, selfishness, and secular morals. Be “bondservants” of God, and serve the people God puts in your life, beginning with your spouse.
Jesus bought the church with His own blood (ref. Acts 20:28). When godly singles, married couples, and families form a true church, true worship is enjoyed, and a true witness is given to the community. The only thing that can break it apart is breaking God’s commandments, particularly on sex, love, and marriage.
The Book of Love, Chapter 5: God’s Love for Us (vs. 25-35).
I am sure that people who cast to the wind God’s commandments on love, sex, and marriage do feel a false sense of freedom and excitement. But real freedom can only be found in following Christ, and excitement is not a spiritual gift (nor a word ever found in Holy Scripture). The truth is, when they either grow up or gain a conscience or convert to Christianity, they are filled with anxiety and regret over what they have done, not to mention the ton of anxiety and hurt they have forced upon past lovers, wronged spouses, and damaged children.
My parents divorced when my two sisters and I were children. The anxiety of seeing our father leave the house, and a strange man come into our house, bringing his brood of children from previous marriages, was a horrible and horrifying experience. Soon we were split up, in more ways than one. Ask any child of divorce how it feels, and the answers will reveal an anxiety and pain that lingers, causes complications in life, and seldom goes completely away.
Forty years later, I found myself in my father’s shoes. My wife ran off with an old classmate of ours who had made a small fortune in a Fortune 500 company. I couldn’t compete with that on a pastor’s salary. When she left, I just sank, my four daughters were split, and our church was scandalized. A silver lining did come, however, after moving here and meeting a women who had been sunk, shocked, and scandalized in virtually the same way. In accordance with the laws in the great state of Arkansas, and in keeping with God’s word in 1 Corinthians 7, we are most holy and happily married now. But we would not wish that world of hurt, pain, and anxiety on anyone.
Neither would God. Oh, how He loves you and me. He shows us and says this to us in many ways. In this chapter it is revealed in a somewhat offhanded comment, in verse 32. “I want you to be free from anxieties.”
I love you, God says to the young and unmarried, don’t engage in sexual immorality. It will cause pain and problems down the road. “I want you to be free from anxieties.”
I love you, God says to those who remain single. Don’t do sexual immorality. It will cause pain and problems, and I’ve got something far better for you to enjoy. “I want you to be free from anxieties.”
I love you, God says to married couples. Save sex only for yourselves and stay married for the long haul. Otherwise there will be deep, generational pain and problems. “I want you to be free from anxieties.”
God loves us. “I want you to be free from anxieties.” This is why, from way up above, God has given us, a true book of love.
